This story was taken from the report “Harassment in Dutch academia. Exploring manifestations, facilitating factors, effects and solutions” (Naezer et al.,2019), commissioned by the Dutch Network of Women Professors (LNVH). It is a composition of different research participants’ experiences, in which details have been changed. They are composed such that they are representative of the research participants’ stories, but their identity remains hidden.
“I can only tell you this story without breaking down because of the medication I take: anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants. I’m extremely passionate about science, as is demonstrated by the research I’ve done, the articles I published in highly esteemed journals, my collaboration with international colleagues, my teaching activities, my membership in all kinds of committees and my investments in valorisation. But daily life at my department is a constant struggle.
It all started about five years ago, when I started exploring the opportunities for becoming a full professor. I met the criteria, but was told that there was no budget to promote me- which was remarkable, since several of my male colleagues were promoted in that same period. I started asking critical questions about this, but Mike, the head of the department, never provided an explanation. Colleagues from other departments were also very surprised when I told them that I would not be promoted anytime soon.
One day, Mike invited me for a meeting. When I arrived, HR was also present. The meeting quickly became very unpleasant, with Mike summing up all the “huge mistakes” I had been making over the last years, none of which had ever been topic of conversation before. When I objected, he started yelling at me, saying that I was an under-average scientist who would never make it in the academic world. HR informed me that I’d better start looking for another job, and that they were building a ‘dossier’ about me.
Since then, things went downhill rather fast. Mike and other colleagues started ignoring me. I was not invited at meetings anymore, and neither did I receive any minutes, so I was no longer informed about developments at our department. If I was present at a meeting and tried to contribute, my colleagues expressed lack of interest by leaning back, folding their arms, looking out the window, or checking their phones. One day, when I suggested a certain line of research, Mike responded: “Sure, we could also investigate the secret lives of earth worms, but the point is: nobody cares.” None of my colleagues objected, and some of them even laughed about this “ joke”. I felt humiliated and alone. Sometimes, I see pictures of my colleagues enjoying dinner or drinks together: social events for which I am no longer invited.
In the meantime, this ‘dossier’ is being made, obviously with the aim of firing me, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to stop it. When I call in sick, I immediately receive critical questions and negative comments: ‘Are you really sick?’ ‘How long do you have to stay home?’ ‘When will you be able to visit the medical officer?’ ‘Better be back soon, because your absence places a huge burden on your colleagues.’ ‘If this job is too much for you, maybe you should consider looking for another job.’ In formal evaluations, remarks are made about me ‘finding it hard to keep up with the academic pace’, and ‘having a hard time cooperating with colleagues’. Everything I do is explained in a negative way. It feels like torture.
I do go to work every day, but I cannot concentrate anymore. Sometimes, I just sit and stare at my computer screen. Sometimes, when I come home after a day’s work, all I can do is sit on the couch and cry. I have even been hospitalised for a few days when I collapsed after another horrible, intimidating telephone conversation with Mike. It feels like I’m in a warzone.
I reached out for help to different people: the medical officer, the committee for scientific integrity, the dean, and even the executive board. None of them was able or willing to help however. The dean even told me that it was better not to antagonise Mike, if I still wanted to pursue an academic career. She literally said that ‘he is a star’ who brings in big research grants, so it’s highly unlikely that any action will be undertaken against him. I’m not sure how long I can keep going on anymore. I’m a scientist at heart, but I don’t think the Academy is the right place for me.”
