This story was taken from the report “Harassment in Dutch academia. Exploring manifestations, facilitating factors, effects and solutions” (Naezer et al.,2019), commissioned by the Dutch Network of Women Professors (LNVH). It is a composition of different research participants’ experiences, in which details have been changed. They are composed such that they are representative of the research participants’ stories, but their identity remains hidden.
“My first encounter with Fred was halfway into my postdoctoral research. He had just been appointed at our university, and my supervisor suggested that he might be a welcome addition to the team, since he had just supervised a research project on a similar topic. I was enthusiastic about this idea, and immediately arranged a meeting with my supervisor and Fred. It didn’t take long for me to start feeling uncomfortable about him however. It sounds a bit weird to say this, and I understand if you don’t believe me, but I felt like he was hitting on me. When we first met and shook hands, he looked me up and down, and got this particular smile on his face, saying that he found it ‘very nice’ to meet me. I didn’t really know how to respond, but the rest of the conversation went right past me.
Afterwards, I started rationalising the event, and told myself that I had probably misinterpreted Fred’s behaviour. Otherwise, my first supervisor would have said something, right? Over the following months however, more incidents happened. For instance, Fred came by in my office multiple times a day, without any obvious reason or goal. I never really knew how to respond, and often just froze. Over the course of time, I got into a constant state of alertness, always expecting him to suddenly show up. He also asked all kinds of questions about my personal life, especially my relationship: whether I was in a relationship, for how long, whether I had had many boyfriends before, whether I really loved my husband, those kinds of things. Once, I asked to plan a meeting to discuss one of my papers, and he replied that it would be ‘his pleasure’; yet another one of those ambiguous remarks that made me feel very uncomfortable. The scariest incident was when we arrived at work simultaneously, and took the elevator together. After the doors had closed, the elevator went up with a little ‘shock’. He pretended to lose his balance, and ‘fell’ against me. I was disgusted and scared: what would happen next? Luckily, we quickly arrived at our floor, and I managed to avoid him the rest of that day.
After some time, I decided to try and talk about it with Fred. I gathered all my strength, went to his office, and told him that I felt like he was hitting on me, and that I was not interested. He just laughed, and said that I could always change my mind, and that he was very ‘open minded’. Nothing changed. I started having panic attacks, and didn’t dare to go to the office anymore. One day, I woke up and literally couldn’t get up anymore. I was diagnosed with a burn-out.
And the worst is yet to come… After having been at home for about half a year, I received an e-mail from my first supervisor, congratulating me on the publication of my article. I was surprised, because I had not been able to do any writing, let alone publishing, over the last months. When I saw the article, I was in shock: this was my paper, with some minor adjustments, and with Fred as first author! I sent an e-mail to my supervisor explaining the situation, but he told me that it was not uncommon for supervisors to become first author, and that Fred probably needed the publication for his grant application. I e-mailed Fred that I found his behaviour unethical, and that I considered filing a complaint with the ethics committee. His reaction was very aggressive: he had finished the article while I was ‘sitting at home’, thinking he was doing me a favour, and now his reward was defamation and the destruction of his career.
I’m not sure what to do next: I could go to the ethics committee, but that still wouldn’t solve the other issue with Fred. For that, I could go to our confidential advisor, but I’m afraid they won’t believe me. Even if they do believe me, I’m not sure whether they will be able to change this situation. I don’t believe a formal procedure to be very promising, because I don’t have much evidence and it will be my word against his. My supervisor is kind and friendly, but he mostly wants to maintain peace, so I don’t expect much of him either. Most of all, I just don’t have the energy to figure this all out: I’m tired.”
